this job, this therapy.
almost every morning I arise... ready, or somewhat ready... with a clear head. it is so early. sometimes kiko will have disturbed my sleep by running a few midnight laps around my bed. sometimes he will actually stomp on my face while in the midst of a sprint. for a moment, I will want to almost end his cute little life for this. but once I am aware of how much I enjoy not sleeping my life away, I become incredibly grateful. he contributes to forcing me out of something which has greatly limited me in my past... too much sleep and not enough life.
sometimes I will wake up with troubling thoughts. worried for someone. or maybe I will have a dream about my past so realistic that I feel frozen under my warm blanket.
when it comes down to it, though, I absolutely have to be up and ready for work and willing to interact with people I know, sort of know, hardly know, or have never met before, by the time 7am rolls around. and all I want is to make their day happier. because I know that some of them roll into the coffee shop after waking alone, waking to screaming babies, waking to argumentative spouses, barking dogs, construction workers, disgruntling jobs... generally unpleasant (yet realistic) ways to begin a day.
let me just say that I love everyone. every single person I meet. I want them to be happy. I want them to feel like life is worth living and I want them to realize that life is so much more enjoyable when you can live knowing that you make others lives more pleasant through simple gestures of kindness. or just smiling at a random stranger for no reason other than just wanting to share a happy thought.
I'm not fake about being perky in the morning. I don't pretend that I am happy to see people. I am actually happy to see them. If they find that I react with anything other than happiness, then it is because I am genuinely set back by an action they have chosen to make. disrespect, for me or for themselves... watching a person limit themselves out of fear... it is a human thing to do, but I often find that I want someone to kick me out of a state of stagnation. all I would like to do is push them to break the shells they put around themselves.
I have found life to be extremely trying at times. I'm pretty sure my whole life has been continuously tough learning experiences. there are days when I would like to have had it some other way, but most days I wouldn't have had it any other way. this life, the things that I have seen... the things that every person has seen, it is all relative. and life is always going to be that way. each day is going to bring about a new and interesting challenge. and the most important thing for me to focus on is the next step. the next step in solving a problem, which may be best put as "the next step in improving my situation" (a little positive twist to subside the fear).
well, I suppose these are just some wandering thoughts of mine... a lot of it is pep talk for myself. reawakening this something inside of me that keeps me moving.
the whole point of this blog entry is to remind myself why my job, my very social, very early, very energizing coffee job is like therapy to me.
because if I didn't have it, I'd be a mess of a recluse. you'd never get me out of this house. ever.