loss.

kevin! you are my dear and wonderful friend.
he took me to chicago with him recently. we have been through quite a lot of growth together and I've watched him evolve. I am so very proud to know him.
I'm pretty sure that kevin gained some of his greatest traits from his grandmother, who passed away last month. she lived in wisconsin. we visited her home and I tried to see it all from his perspecetive. I have lost a lot of friends in my life, but my family, thankfully, remains intact. I love them dearly, no matter the distance. without touching on too too much, I just know that it must have been difficult for him and his family to have lost such a humble and selfless entity. she molded them into such incredibly wonderful people.
I felt blessed to be able to share the experience; to see them come together and experience raw emotion and understanding of the loss. the children provided comedic comfort and stressful distraction. the kids and I picked flowers for her in a field next to the funeral home and I carefully persuaded them to go easy on their family in a time of sadness. children seem to have an understanding of life and death that is far more calm and realistic than an adult. hm. the process of life... at the beginning of time, it seems, we, as humans, were able to celebrate life much more easily.
now, we just miss each other.
and we wonder what we could have said or done to make it so we don't feel like we took each other for granted.
life is a busy, complicated, wonderful, and crazy thing. I find it increasingly difficult to divide my time. my relationships with people are ever changing and sometimes I feel more needed or wanted or available to give than other times.
I guess it just comes down to me wanting everyone to know that, no matter how much attention I give them, I still love them and want them to be happy.
so this is where I sign off and go to bed.
sweet dreams of floating in the sea on the back of a jellyfish.